starting anew

Thu 12/1/2005 6:55 PM

i have been selected in Pantaloons retail india ltd. and i am happy! old news! but today after a long time i have started typing my journal. why had i taken a long break? was it forced or brought over by the circumstances?i will answer my own questions one by one. strangely ironic, because there has been many more times when i have failed to answer my own queries and have been left depressed.but this is different, yes it it.after my institute's classes resumed i was unable to go online with the same regularity perhaps because of the tasks burdening me and inaccessibility of the net.but after a while i was too lazy to bother writing anything, not even into my very favorite diary. i was so fatigued that i seemed to have lost all interest to post anything. even write about all the things that were happening.i will not spend time here (as my friend says) yapping about all the events i have not talked about before, they are as obvious, too many to be really named one by one.the most recent development that has happened is my getting a job. this was a time of extreme stress and tension. the last 3 weeks have been almost as bad as time spent in hell. although i cannot vouch whether they can really be compared.i can vouch for one thing that the last couple of months prior to this have been extremely difficult for me, on the personal front. i was too stressed out because of my father's ill health, topping it off with my atrociously poor results in the annual examination ended May 2005. together with ill-behavior from the D in my life, i have decided to re-christen him as DEVIL. that's exactly what he is!anyway let me not waste my breath over a lost cause.after a long time now, after my summer training, i can truely say that i am happy, on the personal level (on the emotional and mental level i am at peace). having got a job has had a boosting effect on my sagging self-image.at this point of time i am relived on one level, but there is still concern for my other classmates who have not been placed. they have been absolute darlings for me, and i really want to stand beside them now and boost their morale running low, if i can with my words and actions as they have done for me.
before moving on i want to say, I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT THE SUPPORT, CARE, WARMTH, LOVE AND WORDS OF DEAR FRIENDS OF MBA(DAY) '04-'06.
something has changed over the past few months, i just realized how much update i really have to give to my blogs... but let us not become overtly tensed, i think i will manage fine.first things first... Rick has not left our dear ole city for greener pastures up north, and i was rather happy to hear that. and the reason i am back at typing these words is him. he had been cheking my blogs and found them empty of any updates. the thot that sme1 was chking on my blogs made me feel the need to write again. i was afraid at one point that i hd completely lost my creativity but thank heavens i am still as good at innane talk as i have been.although i hven't been in tuch wid Rick too much, obviously hurt a bit coz my idea of friends is people who always think of me, call me, stay in tuch. all the actions on their part as i am truely lazy. perhaps i was rather wrong in my dealing wid Rick. i either am too friendly or too aloof... hell, dealing wid Librans is one difficult job ;-)
a news update: i had tried without success to severe all relations wid D and well now i am again not on speaking terms wid him. although did recieve a message today itself and shot off a couple of letters and cards.during the puja he was in delhi and that had hurt me a lot and things have been on the downswing ever since. even before that there were small minor tiffs, another newsflash, he has broken up wid his gf, whatever!!anyway, now i am tredding my gorunds rather carefully as i am a lil tired of being hurt so many times for no fault of mine. if someone doesn't need me, i do not need that person either.
the other hand of the situation is, i have come close to my ex-bf. he has been a good support trying his best to give me the right kind of advice regarding D. but honestly i feel the relation wid D has gone beyond any advice.but my Ex has been a good friend and i hope i can stand by him when he needs a helping hand. it takes a lot to forgive and forget things as horrible as we have said to each other. perhaps it was this maturity that we lacked.let me not give the entire credit ot my ex, i was the one who offered the maple leaf for peace, and well we both gave it a shot, him a lil less convinced than i that this wud work but finally here we are where i am helping him wid certain relevant papers for his exam starting 12th of this mnth.i have also come close to a group of friends in class and more importantly have been able to see so much of the rest of the classmates that i am astonished that i did not see how lucky i had been to have ended up with these people.i really like my batch!managed to lay my hands upon Fossils 1 and 2. and it is great listening to their music, must thank Rick again for bringing in three new friends... AB fossils fan, Indro and Tatsat.they are kind of a chain reaction of having posted a message on the Fossils website. nice bunch of young guys, still in their graduation reminding me of all those silly things we used to do when we were there not so long ago.attempted to put things right wid Ms Sam and a complete failure... and i hate her, a bad fall out of that is Ms Kari, terrible! it is perhaps all this that nailed the final nail in the coffin of my attraction / love / need for D.
in the meantime visited bangalore for an interview met my childhood friend popla and leoraj! now i again remember hw irritating he really was! thank god i am not wid him.another reason for mental peace coming my way, atlast managed to blurt it out to friends... yes my fark secret of many years and you know what nothing bad happened, they took it so well and it was so great to be finally relived of it...
Raghu my Udiscover friend has been amazing, in tuch with him thru lettres, yes, letters written on paper with ink... have written tremendously intersting letters over the past few mnths and i am actually regretting not photocopying them.
well taking a deserved break! catch u later! with more of all that you have missed!!