Again Once more! ... ...

10:01 AM 10/1/2006

NEVER SAY NEVER!


It is ironic that on a beautiful day like today when all my plans seemed in a disarray suddenly something happened and i am again in the midst of a lot of ferverent activity. Eternally have i found myself crying over milk that has not been spilt. Strangely i never seem to learn.People i have said grey, wet and bleary goodbyes to have returned; sometimes to haunt me. But nonetheless returned when i thought i would never see them again. It is a miniscule moment in time when i feel all the weight of the world on my shoulders driving my knees into the hard ground, as i collapse under the heavy lashes of stormy weather. But there have been hidden silver linings in every dark cloud that has engulfed my blue sky, and i have been short sighted (which in real life i am) in finding it least of all being aware that it exists somewhere.
A trance number circulates through the torpid air of my room as the beats find nails to hammer into my brain, and the pain, oh so numb do i feel that every sensation has ceased and i am a person, no longer a human, i am one with the world, an entity and nothing more or nothing less. all i can feel are the corrugated edges of the keyboard as my fingertips dance along them, my eyes are unfocussed on the immidiate white screen that stares blankly at me and flickers here and there as each word is etched on its surface.

I go back to a tune that i had long forgotten, the spiralling memories flood me no more, and suddenly i find that the creativity in all its objectivity peaking through the masses of self-loathing, guilt, remorse.

Althoough this is meant to be a place for realities i find myself drawn towards thoughts that become more and more global, moving from the narrow personal hates and loves, may be thats how great writers are born or may be thats how filthy hacks decide in their own delusion that they have achieved enlightenment in writing about human life, love and emotions!!


SARCASTIC!! am I??

Nothing is over till everything is over, and this world has not ended and perhaps will not in a long time, then by my logic i will keep returning to the losses and gains i have made over the years in my life. A short life that i keep writing about saving it in this virtual realm has but begun and yet words echo thoughts that are centuries old. I wonder when we learnt to communicate did we also learn the basic motiffs that describe the pains and sorrows...
Do animals feel sad, or are we the only one of God's creatures foredoomed by our original sin to sorrow and pain?

"Sorrow", and here we celebrate human thoughts that speak/ sing of our saddest thoughts. Exhalting in the superlative, the melancholia, and so I sit quite unlike my favorite poets and tapping at a black mass gathering stray thoughts to bind into a book, A book of life; My Life!