v-day spcl

tmrw is valentine's day, & as usual the newsprint and the television media is going overboard with its V-day celebrations. i really am wondering what is different this yr? i mean all these yrs V-day has meant so many things to me, and i know to my frnds, and all of a sudden things are diff. it is a lil difficult to xplain this bt i will try.when i was in school, this was smething the older seniors did wid their bf's. and they wud exchange cards and gifts on the sly, may be even hold hands and we thot it was like something straight out of those movies on star movies.with time when we became the senior class, a lot of my frnds wud get asked out, some wud even get cards and gifts, amazingly they wud accept the gifts then be so afraid that they wud throw them, i was very strangely a lot more practical than i wud hve expected myself to be, i wud tell these guys not to give me those gifts coz i wudn't be able to keep them and that they shud give them to someone who wud care.i guess i might have cme across as a rude person, i dont think i smiled a lot then!walking into the higher secondery stage i remember getting sweet V-day cards from classmates, and before you start thinking "lesbian" let me clarify, the cards were signed Rahul Dravid, it was a sweet gesture, i guess i never really returned them any cards, i always kept those and cherished them, strange behavior it may seem, although all of us were very aware that these cards were not ever frm these people we were in love with or so many thot, but it was nonetheless good to hold the cards and read then over and over again.then came university life, and with it LOVE, ahh! of all the dreams i have dreamt and all the wishes i have made here was one finally coming true. but was it? i guess we and may be i shudn't generalize, me to be specific, always have a lot of expectations from life and none of them more than wat we perhaps deserve, but the problem is most often these expectations are based on the actions of other people and not on things that we can control and hence the disillusionment when they do not behave the way we want them to.these lil dreams lie broken and strewn on the ground.... do u know how i spent my first V-day wid a real guy? real because till then i was in love wid rahul so u can see the difference... i spoke to this guy, apparently my first love, hah! anyway i spoke to him the night before and i spent the entire day of 14th waiting for his call, dressed and waiting, i did not eat ... i watched 3 movies on star, and, then finally around 6 pm, after having sat waiting for 9 hrs i finally turned off the TV and hid my face in my pillow and cried like i had never cried, it was one of the worst things ever, i cud have been out wid my frnds or simply attending classes like any othr day but i was made to feel spcl and then thrown away to a cornor almost like a useless piece of junk. i got a call frm this so called bf of mine, he hd spent the entire day helping a frnd fix his PC... anyway, so finally after a lot of gushy overtures, i get shouted at as if this was entirely my fault, but then i was a fool and so after a lot more tears we decide to meet, and well spent an extremely boring evening. i don't know how i managed to, but i guess u have these fears that u r asking too much, but the truth is u r not, u deserve every bit of it, and if the person on the othr side is nt giving u that all u can do i tell them wat u want, if they r jus simply incapable of giving u wat u want, u move on. the best thing to do, atleast this way u do not keep on hurting each othr, and i guess in certain ways u can always accept what u get ...anyway i was on my V-day story, so next yr, i break up wid the person i loved for the first time in my life, and well, on V-day my sweet frnds hangout wid me, and we go out for lunch and it is great fun. i recieve a Happy V-day msg from my by then ex which doesn't effect me, becoz it dsnt mean anything after the hurt, after last yr, after the one yr of pain. but when i walked back to home passing all those familiar places i knew i cudn't live here, i had to move away, smewhere far away where these things wudn't haunt me, and i fall bck onto my career plans.so i start preparing for CAT... and i meet smeone really spcl. and then comes another 14th feb, where i go out wid my family for dinner, right before my CAT re-test. i wondered that night, cud i ever get away from the maddening feeling i had. i was happy in smeways, in love again and although this one wasn't as fast and furious like my previous i figured with time it wud be perfect like everyone said it wud be. so i was happy!last yr V-day: one more yr gone and my love had grown but it hadn't touched enuff to turn a heart towards me, and so with a physical distance of 2000kms and unfortunate miles of bitterness separating me, i went out again with a new set of frnds, spoke of love of hate and somwhere helped a girl find someone spcl, someone who was afraid to try and i egged her on to someone equally spcl. and rest is history.i came back to an empty house and wondered yet again in 6 months what had i done wrong to be pushed away.and here i am a day before yet another V-day! life will go on, inspite of all the small or big hurts i face or don't face, a couple who almost didn't make it is together this yr, and i am also right here, and it almost feels strange that i am not sad or miserable, it's not as if i dont care abt V-day anymore, i do very much and the yr i have sme one spcl to share it wid i will, and it will be the best one he has or ever cud have, thats a kind of promise i made to myself whilst writing this, next time im wid someone, where there is smething spcl i will not wait, i will do wat i want (have wanted) to do and the rest, as i like saying, will be yet another History!!
i don't know how the hell Shaan came up wid that song.... but it sure as hell makes sense to me everytime (??), what can i do? i am frolific in falling in love...."Bhul ja ... muskura... hai kasam tujhe... khudko yu na de tu saza...iss bar dil ka sauda kar na na yu bewaja...unn yadoon ko tu bhul ja.."
"THERE IS NO REMEMBRANCE WHICH TIME DOES NOT OBLITERATE, NOR PAIN WHICH DEATH DOES NOT END." -- DON QUIXOTE : CERVANTES.