new start

2:37 PM 5/8/05

my new start has been one of many such new beginnings i have made at different phases of my life. i wonder whether, these are new starts are at all new.
do these starts dwindle into the mundane after sometime?
today, i have decided, like so many other times to write only to give vent to my creativity. but is that possible? could i only write for that reason? what about other things, those that shake me up and leave impressions on my mind?

we expect so much from life yet all that we get is what we deserve, or may be a little less or perhaps a little more. i am not sure but sometimes i feel i have not got what i have wanted, it is not that god doesn't know what i want yet he does not grant me the wishes. but then again i start to think and find that god has granted so many of my unaasked for wishes, so much have a i received without having to ask. but like donne i have the insatiable thirst for more and so i am left thirsty on every journey i undertake to find new sources of water.

strange thoughts, don't you think. for those who have some idea how to read hindi here is a rendering from a song,

agar tum mil jao zamana chor denge hum.
tumhein pake zamane bhar se rishta tod denge hum.

i will try and translate it into english..

if i could have got you i would have left this whole world,
after having got you i would have cut off all relations with this world.

that's an approximate translation.

just was wondering, we also feel that way sometimes about things and people, as if if we had that particular person and /or that person then we wouldn't want anything more, and how many times have we wished that if we could have that someone in our lives we would not ask for more or anything more ever? i have quite a few times. may be that's why this wish was never granted.

may be we shouldn't want things jus accept what we get and be grateful. but is that humanly possible??? atleast i cannot seem do it.